I see them every day in the early morning.
They have faces without faces.
Weariness wrapped around their shoulders like tar blankets
I’m one of them

- DrCuervo

Commuter Zombies… those dedicated workers who trade their humanity for time in the cars, buses, trains, and planes. They’re gaining ranks too: up 95% in just twenty years. Steady commuting can lead to high blood pressure, absenteeism and tardiness, difficulty in concentration and problem solving, increased hostility and anger, musculoskeletal disorders and other symptoms—no wonder they’re feeling a little undead.

 ”Commuting is a stress that doesn’t pay off,” says Allois Stutzer.

Are you a commuter zombie? Here are three menu items for your next feeding frenzy:

1) Road Rage Reynaldo Brains

The annoying guy who, among other things, insists on

• honking excessively and flashing lights
• driving aggressively, with sudden braking, tailgating and speeding
• gesturing rudely
• shouting threats and yelling at other drivers and passengers
• hitting other vehicles or throwing things at other vehicles
• stopping his car in traffic to confront other drivers
• causing violent incidents resulting from uncontrolled stress

Suck all the energy you need from this character. Intermittent Explosive Disorder never tasted so good. It will make the roads safer, he’ll be off the road, and you’ll be energized for the long crawl ahead.

2) Buster’s Brains

Buster of MythBusters

Nothing against Buster of MythBusters… It’s just that he’s like the “come-back Kid.” He never, ever gives up. He takes everything. And if he is missing an arm, leg or brain after a day’s work, his coworkers make new ones for him. Besides, Buster doesn’t really seem to need a brain to do his work (although there have been a few tests involving gel “the consistency of brains”). Buster’s Brains will give you the stamina and endurance to get to the next town full of brains.

3) Garmin Grey Matter.

Or whatever your space-based satellite navigation system might be. Even without downloading every new housing development every time updates are offered, a smart GPS can figure out the way around traffic jams, detours, accidents and more. Digital brains are an acquired taste for Commuter Zombies, but if you can absorb the capability to communicate with satellites, it won’t be as easy to “zone out” and miss your exit.

Brain Appétit, Commuter Zombies! As for me, I’ll skip out riding shotgun and shooting shotguns – I plan to telework.

Are you living your undead life in the slow lane? Get yourself a spiffy telework job, my friend!

images: Arachnarchy, Johnathaneric, irisheyes, kwc